Why you should not invest with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
I lost everything by investing with a boyfriend on my 20s. This is what happened when I was in my twenties in love and not financially educated. My parents never taught me about investing or saving that resulted in wealth. My father made all the decisions and he was the financial provider.
For the purpose of this story, I’ll name my ex-boyfriend- Robbie. We met at university and the rest is history. I worked as an Officer in the government of Trinidad and Tobago (Caribbean) and operated a part-time small business with an annual income of TT$250K or US equivalent $40K USD. The average annual income in Trinidad and Tobago is TT $192K.
By the time I was 24 years, I was working for three years full-time and I learned to save the majority of my money. I was not like most millennials; there were no fancy vacations, brand name clothing or the latest tech.
Marriage discussion
We were both making a decent combined income; I always made more than him and he was not threatened by this. The next natural step after three years of dating was marriage. We discussed where we would live, finances and children. We both decided renting or living with in-laws were not options. We decided to start building a house on Robbie’s inherited land.
The title of the land was not yet transferred to his name: red flagged but I still pursued it because I wanted to get married and one day moved into my own home. Getting married and buying or building a home was two of my top five goals that I needed to accomplish before I turned thirty. This was self-imposed pressure to get things done now.
Verbal Agreements
One year prior to the start of the building process, Robbie purchased a car on a loan which took up a meaning portion of his income.
One day in a causal conversation before he purchased the car, he asked if I would pay for the house loan (10 year term) and without even knowing the monthly payments, I agreed.
He took the loan on his name, his rational was if we ever needed to borrow more money for the house, the house loan will not be on my credit report. The monthly payments were TT$4,500 or $750USD per month plus additional fees due on the first payment in the amount of approximately TT$18K or $3KUSD. I had the money saved up so I paid it and continued to make the monthly payments for about three years.
Things took a wrong turn
He managed the money received from the loan and the first phase of the project- building the foundation, decking and concrete walls on our second story house. Throughout the building process, I realized his lack of management skills; people and resources. At the end of phase 1, he lost his job. Even though, I was working two jobs, I decided to manage the second phase- plastering the walls, electrical and the roof. I asked for a record of the available money and bills. At this point, the math was not adding up and the more I asked about it the more defensive he became. In addition, he was manipulating me to think I was making a big deal of nothing. I moved past the doubt because of my love and my goals to achieve before thirty.
Cutting my losses
Fast forward- phase 2 was completed and I was over TT$200k or $34kUSD but I had a doubt about our future together. He was not a strong partner. One day I looked at the house with him by my side and I said, “I cannot imagine living here anymore. I do not see my future here.” It was a gut feeling and I was right. After a couple of months, the loan money was completely finished and I did not offer to invest any more of my saving into the house; the project became stagnant. We grew apart and after months of mentally breaking up with him, I finally told him off and ended it. As for recouping my investment as he promised he would before I agreed; it did not happen. He decided not to sell the house because the tittle was still not transferred and he did not want to sell it. Since I had no written agreement or did not own the property, I had no claim to it. I had a failed relationship and no return on my investment for the past five years. I was broken but I knew deep down it was the best decision I made. I was now twenty-eight years- broken but not defeated.
Lessons Learned
Here’s my most expensive life;
- Seek advice from an expert — I did seek legal advice after I ended the relationship but there was no case; I only had a verbal agreement. An expert can clearly outline unbiased scenarios to save you in the future.
- Take advice from people you trust — it seems like a pretty simple step but it’s true. My aunts, parents and grandmother all advised me not to take the risk. Of course, I did not listen. I was so driven to ‘own a home and get married.’
- Never invest with someone you’re not married to or have a legal entity with- words mean nothing in court of law.
- Seek your interest first — the best person to take care of your interest is YOU! Learning to put yourself first, it is not selfish; it is a necessity. Be true and fair to yourself. You will thank yourself for it later.
- You do not need a man/woman to be successful — in my 20s my idea of success was an education, career and marriage. You can be successful without a marriage and you can become financially successful without a man/woman.
- Learn to be financially independent- research, research and research. I was unaware of basic life skills as an adult for instance, building your credit. Investing is you is the best investment.
Today, I have not received TT$1 or $1USD from Robbie but I gained so much…
I invested in travel, I’ve been to places that I always dreamed off or never thought of visiting. It signified that I am in control of my finances, my life and I made memories that will last a lifetime. I moved to the US in 2017 and three months later, I started working for a corporation that I dreamed of working for 1 year prior to moving. Within two years of moving, I own a single-family house (on my name) and I am building wealth. I have never been happier and even though it was a very expensive lesson in my 20s, I made it through with the help of my family and my therapist. Here’s to making smart investments and decisions in my 30s.
